What color is your Obama?
The most important issue when deciding on a future president of the United States is how much pigment that man or woman has in their epidermis. Consequently, many have asked whether America is ready for a black president.
Wildly popular radio host Rush Limbaugh feels that Barack Obama is not black enough. On several occasions he referred to the senator as a "Halfrican American." And Time Magazine recently asked "Is Obama Black Enough?"
Luckily, thanks to recent advances in technology, Barack Obama can adjust his skin color on TV, in the press, on the internet, and especially on radio. However, his campaign is still struggling with which color he should choose. Which color Obama would you vote for?
 | Obama with his regular skin color. This color seems to have attracted almost 20 million Democrats to vote for him in the primaries. However, it seems to scare many of those who consider themselves "West Virginian" and "racist." | |
 | Whiter Obama. This seems to be closer to the color of president America is comfortable with, and has been the color of choice for many of our past presidents, like Thomas Jefferson, John F. Kennedy, and all of the others. This could help Obama gain votes and dispel those nasty rumors that he's Muslim. Clearly anyone with a light skin color can't be Muslim. After all, it's a dark, evil religion. | |
 | Blacker Obama. This color would quiet critics like Rush Limbaugh who tell us that Obama is "halfrican American." And Obama's regular skin color makes him a little difficult to place into an exact stereotypical category, which creates much stress and confusion in the life of your average bigot. They're forced to spend hours with color swatches trying to figure out whether Obama should be considered a terrorist or simply a man who deserves a lower socio-economic status than white people. |
 | Greenish Obama. Causing a bit of confusion, he would take votes from the Green party. It would also help him gather votes from strange island territories filled with green people. Yet, campaigning would be made more difficult because people would constantly fear he was going to vomit on them. He would also no longer face the barrage of questions from the media such as "Are you black enough?" Instead, people would merely ask about his chlorophyll levels. | |
 | Light orange Barack Obama. This skin color would help him garner more Hispanic votes. He would also be able to stop traffic more easily and avoid getting shot while hunting in the woods. Is America ready for an orange president? | |
 | Really black Obama. This version of the presidential candidate would attract the black voters who say Obama has betrayed his race and does not act "black enough." However Really Black Obama would lose all remaining votes from Southern racists, Appalachian racists, and all other racists. Much of the media would stop comparing him to John F. Kennedy and instead compare him to Tupac. | |
 | A perpetually infuriated Obama. This skin shade would help ease the long-standing tension between Native Americans and the federal government. However, Obama would be open to accusations that he's a "tanning-bed elitist." Yet, Obama's look of fury would scare many into voting for him and assuage fears that he's not hawkish enough. America will assume that any president red with fury won't hesitate to blow people up. | |
 | Blue-bama. This color will help Obama win Alaska and several other cold states. But it will have the reverse effect in Florida, Texas, and other hot states that believe a frigid president doesn't understand their troubles. Furthermore, President Obama would have little luck convincing other nations that global warming is a threat. They would simply reply, "Then why are you freezing your ass off?" The problems for Blue-bama wouldn't end there. He would have to put up with incessant Smurf and Teletubby jokes, and at least once a week fend off someone who thinks he needs the Heimlich maneuver. | |
 | Colorless Obama. This would help the Senator garner votes from black people who are glad he's not white, from white people who are glad he's not black, from Native Americans who are glad he's not white, from Hispanics who are glad he's not white, from Asians who are glad he's not white, and from stars of old-time movies such as Bette Davis and Clark Gable. The only constituency who would not find the colorless Obama appealing are those Americans who still have black and white TV sets because they wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Looks like "none" is the winning pigmentation. |
